Sometimes A Hug Isn't Enough
by Mikkal
Summary: Logan's got a secret he's never, ever going to tell.Pre-Series and Series, NO SLASH. Not completely the usual "Logan's got a secret" story. Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Family, Mystery, Suspense.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I'd like to point out that I _do not and I never will _own Big Time Rush, Kendall Schmidt, Logan Henderson, Carlos Pena, Jr., and James Maslow.

Author's Note: You want to know what I realized? That I really don't think that Logan has been with the group as long as a lot of the fanfiction says he has. You want to know how I realized that?

Very first episode, _Big Tim Audition. _When the guys are watching the Pussy Cat Dolls' video "When I Grow Up" James mentions he's going to marry her (Nicole Scherzinger) one day. Logan is disbelieving and asks how, but Kendall and Carlos try to stop him. When James answers (in his totally spastic way) Logan looks completely freaked out (and Kendall and Carlos look exasperated haha)

If they were friends as long as everyone thinks they've been friends wouldn't Logan know the same thing Kendall and Carlos know? And know not to ask James that?

So I'm thinking 7th or 8th grade (even though that's not what I have here), because Logan made a comment about James getting his hair burnt off by Jenny Tinkler while he was quiet for the beginning of James' rant. Ya get what I mean?

* * *

><p>Sometimes A Hug Isn't Enough<p>

Chapter 1

Mikkal

Summary: Logan's got a secret he's never, ever going to tell. Can the guys get him to open up before it's too late? Pre-Series and Series, no slash. Not completely the usual "Logan's got a secret" story.

* * *

><p>"Kendall! Get down here! We have to greet the new neighbors!"<p>

He sighed, shut off his computer and heaved himself dramatically from his desk chair. Kendall grabbed his cell phone so he could text his friends when he got bored, he had a real good bet he was going to get bored. Every "greet your neighbor" thing was boring, it was in the guidebook!

His mother was dressed up in causal-fancy clothes and was scowling at him and Katie as they were in their jeans and long-sleeved shirts.

"You guys could at least _try_," she said.

Katie shrugged. "Sorry mom, can't say we're excited about meeting the neighbors. Why do we even have to go in the first place?" She crossed her arms with a little, ten year old huff.

His mom smiled sweetly. "Because It's polite and I think I saw a boy your age, Kendall, helping them move in."

That sparked his interest a little. Maybe a new friend? Did he play hockey? That would be _awesome_. Kendall found a extra spring in his step as they walked across the street and noticed one beat up car in the drive way.

His mom knocked three times and straightened her dress one last time while making sure the small cake she baked wasn't about to plop onto the ground. The door opened to reveal a rather short teenage boy with short, raven colored hair, pale skin, and chocolate brown eyes that reminded Kendall of a puppy. He was wearing a light blue long-sleeve shirt and ripped jeans.

"Can I help you?" He asked politely.

His mom shot them a "I told you so" look about the politeness before smiling brightly at him. "Hi! I'm Jennifer Knight and this is my son Kendall and my daughter Katie, we live across the street and thought we'd welcome you to the neighborhood." She held out her cake proudly

He blushed. "I'm Logan...Mitchell." He seemed to hesitate at his last name for some reason. He took the cake and smiled slightly at her. "Thank you for the cake."

"Are your parents home?" She asked, curious.

Kendall raised an eyebrow (they are _not_ that bushy) when Logan did the impossible and paled a couple shades lighter than his already pale skin tone. Did...Did he looked scared?

"They're...actually not here... right now," he said. "Uh, maybe... later?

She nodded. "Sounds like a plan. It was nice meeting you." She turned away and started walking with Katie close behind.

Kendall stayed though, making Logan fidget uncomfortably. "Logan, you starting school on Monday?"

He nodded, even though it looked like all he wanted to do was go back into the house."Yeah."

"Then I'll see you in class." Kendall smiled kindly and walked away, leaving Logan to stare at his back in disbelief at the simple acceptance.

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><p>All Saturday Kendall was stuck at home, alone because Carlos' little sister was sick and he had to help and because James had a family thing with his dad. So he sat at his computer all day, a little bit of Facebook and searching YouTube. Sometimes he would lean against his arm and stare out the window, having the best view of his new neighbor's house.<p>

That one car was still there, and that worried and confused him. Where were Logan's parents? They weren't working on the first day in a new house, were they? It didn't seem right.

He sighed. Maybe Logan wanted to hang out? Get a friend before he was forced to go to a totally new school?

Kendall shut his computer and grabbed his coat and keys before hopping down the stairs two at a time. He called out a goodbye and where he was going to his mom and headed across the street.

His knocks were answered by a tired looking Logan. "K-Kendall? H-How can I help you?" He still was as polite as he was when he greeted his mom.

He smiled. "I figured we'd hang out, if that's okay with you?"

Logan glanced back into his house before looking at Kendall again. "I'm, um, still unpacking really."

Okay, time to show some of his weirdness. "Can I help?"

"Can...can you help?" Logan repeated, taken aback. "You...wanna help me unpack?"

He nodded. "I actually like unpacking, I find things I didn't even know I had. Packing does that too."

Logan still looked nervous but he opened the door even more and led the way inside. Kendall smiled at the pictures already put up on the wall, there were seascapes and night pictures. Mysterious, very appropriate. This new neighbor was very mysterious.

"So," Kendall started, trying to make conversation. "Your parents at work?"

"Parent," Logan corrected and glanced at his watch. Before Kendall could apologize for his mistake he answered, "Yeah, he should be. I'm unpacking the kitchen, okay?"

Logan was rather quick to change the subject.

"Sounds good to me."

They spent two hours unpacking, but only half of one of those hours was spent in the kitchen. The rest was spent with Logan's room and family room stuff and garage stuff. Kendall was a little surprised of how much he had, it actually wasn't a lot. All of it seemed to be teenager things, none looked like it belonged to a parent.

Kendall was also surprised by how much they had in common, he was hoping they would but hoping was different from knowing. They were both fans of hockey, both had the tendency to sing when working on something (they both even claim that it's not really singing), and both hated History. And Logan was looking forward to meeting Carlos and James...at least it seemed like he was looking forward to it.

"So, thanks for helping me unpack," Logan said awkwardly, leaning against the door frame. "It would've taken me a lot longer if you didn't show up."

Kendall wouldn't dare mention the guy's parent, wouldn't he help? (dad, if earlier conversations meant anything) and just nodded. "No problem, glad I could help. See you in school?"

"...Yeah, see you in school."


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I'd like to point out that I do not and I never will own Big Time Rush, Kendall Schmidt, Logan Henderson, Carlos Pena, Jr., and James Maslow.

* * *

><p>Sometimes A Hug Isn't Enough<p>

Chapter 2

Mikkal

Summary: Logan's got a secret he's never, ever going to tell. Can the guys get him to open up before it's too late? Pre-Series and Series, no slash. Not completely the usual "Logan's got a secret" story.

* * *

><p>Sunday came and went with nothing exciting happening (much to Kendall's dismay), Monday seemed to appear out of nowhere and smack him right in the face with a 12 by 6 wooden plank. It hurt.<p>

"Kendall!" Carlos called, super excited about _something_. "Principal Nicolas wants to see us, _all _of us."

"Since when is that a good thing?" Kendall asked James, who shrugged and ran his hand through his perfect hair.

James smirked. "Since we're not getting in trouble for something," he said. "We need to show someone around the school. Us, being the trouble makers that we are, know the school the best. Possibly even better than Nicolas."

"Hey Kendall. What did you say that Logan kid looked like?"

Kendall raised an eyebrow and recounted the conversation they had yesterday about his semi-strange neighbor (the one were that same car was the only one there all Sunday and it was there this morning too). "Why?"

Carlos pointed his finger. "'Cause I think that's him."

He looked over and, sure enough, Logan was heading to the main office, a ratty book bag thrown over his shoulders. Kendall exchanged grins with James and gestured them both to come with him. He ran up to Logan, sliding to a stop next to the slender teen.

"Logan!"

He jumped a foot in the air, hand going to the back of his neck (a strange reaction). Logan did a double take and gave him a small smile. "Hi Kendall," he said softly.

Kendall smiled back but didn't do his customary "arm over shoulder" thing, Logan seemed a bit too jumpy for that. "Hey. This is James and Carlos, the guys I was telling you about."

Logan smiled at them too and nodded his head slightly in greeting. "Hi, nice to finally meet you. Kendall doesn't shut up about you."

"Aw," James teased. He pulled the slightly shorter teen (only slightly) under his arm and ruffled his hair. "Does Kendall like us or something?"

He shoved him off and turned back to Logan, the feeling he had since Friday rising up again. He wanted to be friends with him, wanted to make him part of the group. The four of them could be something big together.

"You getting your classes?" James asked before his friend could, smirking at the disgruntled pout he got from that. "If you are, we'll come with you! We're suppose to be in the office anyway."

Logan nodded and smirked, the first mischievous look on his face Kendall's ever seen. "What did you guys do?"

"What?" Carlos exclaimed, scandalized expression on his face. He put a hand over his heart in mock hurt. "What makes you say that?"

He hummed, putting a thoughtful finger on his chin as he pondered. "Well, you guys seem like the type to be troublemakers. Let's see, did you...fill the vending machine with only fruit smackers again? Cover the front windows with black out paper? Or did you rig the PA system to play Madonna 24/7?"

"Hey!" James protested. "We never did that last one!" A light dawned and he gasped. "How'd you find out about the other ones?"

Kendall laughed and raised his hand. "Guilty."

Luckily, he was saved from getting full-on body tackled by James when the four of them entered the main office and Logan got immediately wrapped up in a little meeting in the principal's office.

Carlos plopped down into one of the waiting chairs and let out a dramatic gush of breath. "Why'd you tell him that stuff?"

He shrugged. "I don't know," he admitted. "I just felt like I should. I feel like we can be something big with him in our group. Don't you think?"

James nodded. "Yeah, it's kinda creepy." He shrugged. "Well, as our unofficial leader you've already decided. We'll see how it goes, okay?"

"Okay!" Carlos agreed.

"Good." Kendall shoved his hands in his pockets and leaned against a secretary's desk. "I know who we're going to show around the school. Logan's the only new kid here."

James' face lit up. "Great! We can get to know him better, how lucky is that?"

"Very, very lucky."

* * *

><p>Two months later found Carlos trying to catch Logan's eye over <em>Jurassic Park<em> the book (they made a book?)...trying and failing. He folded his hands together and prepared himself for begging.

"Pleeeeasssse Logie?"

Chocolate brown eyes glared at him as he lowered the book. "Carlos," he said through clenched teeth. "My name will never, _ever_ be Logie. And _no_."

"Aw!" Carlos whined and sat back in his seat fully. "Why not? You never go to the movies with us."

He sighed and held up two fingers. "One, I can't afford it. And two, I've got work every single night but Sunday, it's been like that since I moved here."

"Dude! All that work can't be healthy! You've gotta have fun once in a while."

Logan smiled. "I _do_ have fun...when I hang out with you guys."

"But, that's always in school." Carlos pointed out, stealing one of Logan's fries. "You're our best friend and we wanna hang out with you _outside_ of school."

The pale boy's ears turned red when Carlos said "best friend" and his hid his face behind the book before he could be teased about it. "I'm sorry Carlos, my hands are tied."

"It's cheap!" He tried for a last minute attempt. "The movie theater here is so cheap 'cause it's small! If you can't afford it then let us pay a little."

Logan snapped his book shut and slammed it on the lunch table, startling the younger boy. Carlos stared at him with wide eyes as he grabbed his things and stormed out of the room, face dark with contained fury.

What did he do?

When Carlos stumbled up to James locker at the end of school he still had that surprised and shocked look on his face. The brunette caught his shoulders and shook him slightly.

"Carlitos? What happened?" He asked almost frantically, he came in second when it came to over-protectiveness.

He shook his head. "I'm not sure," he answered, dazed.

"What are you talking about?" Kendall came up when James had asked his question.

Carlos told them what happened at lunch (seeings how James had first lunch, Kendall had third, and both Logan and Carlos had second they didn't know anything at all). He still couldn't figure out what he did. All he did was offer to help Logan hang out with him...right?"

"Oh Carlitos," Kendall sighed. He swung an arm around the little Latino and started walking out of the school, practically dragging his friend along. "That wasn't the best move."

"Why not?" He really, really, _really _wanted to know what he did wrong. "What did I do?"

"You damaged his pride," Kendall informed him gently. "Logan is the type of person who can't stand being weak or dependent. When you offered for us to help him pay for the movies you made it out that he couldn't care for himself."

"But, but," he sputtered. "I didn't _mean _to."

James patted his helmet covered head in sympathy. "We know, we know. Don't worry, it'll blow over. He'll be back to talking to you tomorrow. If there's anything I learned about Logan in the past two months is that he doesn't hold a grudge."

Kendall nodded in agreement.

The three of them parted ways at the bus ramp, he was heading down the street to his job at Sherwood's Grocery Store (just trying to help out his Mom, who was raising two kids on a waitress' salary) and the guys were heading to their bus. But they made plans to meet up later tonight for a movie at the theater.

He kicked a stone as he walked down the sidewalk. He really liked having Logan part of the group, he just wish he knew more about the teen. All Kendall really knew was that he's never seen Logan's parents, he was really smart (he was already ahead of them in class), he had a job and couldn't afford a lot of things, he was super independent, very jumpy and a little shy, and could sing and play hockey but couldn't afford the fees that came with Chorus and hockey.

But that wasn't much. Logan had the ability to tell them a whole bunch of stuff but it never actually give anything about himself.

Logan Mitchell was a mystery wrapped in a enigma and probably wrapped in a paradox too.

He had to push all of that in the back of his mind, though, because his boss handed him a cashier apron and pointed to the registers. Turns out Cassandra was sick today so Kendall got to cover for her, with a little bit of extra money thrown in for the last minute change.

Worked for him.

Five minutes into his shift and Kendall's eyes widened in shock as a carton of milk, a box of cinnamon LIFE cereal, a couple of oranges, and two frozen pizzas came down the belt. But the customer was what shocked him.

"Logan!"

The pale boy jumped and his hand went straight for the back of his neck (he's _got _to figure out what was up with that reaction), but he calm down when he realized who it was. "Kendall, I didn't know you worked here."

He shrugged. No big deal, everyone knew. He scanned the items as he talked. "I thought you had to work?"

Logan smiled softly. "I do, I just came to pick up a few things that I can't get after my shift." He rubbed the back of his neck, awkwardly instead of the protective move he does when he's...surprised (scared?). "Is... Is Carlos mad at me? For storming out?"

"Nah," he shook his head. "He was just confused. I bet if you act normal and apologize tomorrow he'll completely forget about it. Hell, you probably don't even need to apologize."

He chuckled. "I still will. Though, I bet you've learn I don't hold grudges...haven't you?"

Kendall stopped bagging Logan's things and held his thumb and pointed finger an inch a part. "Just a bit." He grinned cheekily, making Logan laugh. That dude didn't laugh _nearly _enough.

Logan paid and took his bags. "Thanks. See ya tomorrow."

"Bye."


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I'd like to point out that I _do not and I never will _own Big Time Rush, Kendall Schmidt, Logan Henderson, Carlos Pena, Jr., and James Maslow.

* * *

><p>Sometimes A Hug Isn't Enough<p>

Chapter 3

Mikkal

* * *

><p>Okay, he was officially a stalker...with good reason! Kendall sighed, that's what they all say. He leaned on his windowsill and peered through the glass at Logan's house. Three months since they first met and he still hadn't learned anything.<p>

Behind him James and Carlos were fighting over the last chocolate chip cookie. But James was going to win, he always did when it came to something as serious as chocolate chip cookies.

"Man, when are you going to give up?" James asked around, sure enough, his newly acquired cookie. "I don't think Logan's going to tell us anything."

Carlos stretched out on Kendall's bed and stared at the ceiling. "Yeah. I mean, he's cool and almost...brother like, but he's locked up tighter than a safe with super glue between the cracks. He's not going to open up."

Kendall sat back with a huff, crossing his arms over his chest. "I just don't get it! We don't know where he works. I see him sometimes at work buying food and only food. Cheap food too. He never goes out with us. He's missing out on so many thing's 'cause he's either studying or working. I just wish we could do something. I wish he would trust us!"

"There's nothing to trust," James pointed out to the heaving blond, who was breathless from his rant. "We automatically trust him because, well, we're very trusting. He's not, we have to do something for him to trust him."

"Like what?" Carlos asked.

James shrugged. "I have no idea." He ran his lucky comb through his hair, looking at his reflection on the window as the sun set. "Is Logan even home yet? Maybe he'll sleepover this time."

Kendall checked again and shook his head. "No, that car is still there but only the porch light is on."

"He never uses it," Carlos said, meaning the car. "Why does he have it?"

He shrugged, he had no idea. And he hated that. Kendall _always _had an idea as to what was going on, it annoyed him to no end that Logan was the first person to make him unsure about himself.

There was a soft knock at the door and his mom popped her head inside her son's room. "Hey, you boys going to dinner with us?" She asked with a smile.

James nodded. "Yep Mama Knight, we've got money."

Her smile got a bit wider. While Logan was prideful and didn't like it when people helped him when he couldn't afford things, Jennifer Knight welcomed it. She knew it took Kendall a while to let his friends pay for themselves, but he eventually agreed to it.

The boys and Katie piled in the Knight family's station wagon, Katie squished between James and Carlos as Kendall and Mrs. Knight took the front seats. Carlos kept the ten year old distracted from the uncomfortable seating arrangement with funny faces, even though she was stone most of the time when the boys were over she let herself be a little bit more of a kid than usual.

They pulled up to their favorite (and luckily cheap) diner that was really only a special occasion, like when James and Carlo came over for dinner. Which didn't happen as often as people think. The host sat them in a corner booth and told them their waiter would see them soon.

Katie sat near the window, then Kendall and then his mom. Carlos and James sat across from them with Carlos leaning against the window, messing with the crayons left there for the children menus.

James smirked and sighed sarcastically. "I swear, at this rate we're going to run into him everywhere we go."

Kendall whirled around the best he could, eyes widening when he saw Logan smiling at them as he walked up to their table. He had a pen and pad in hand, a waiter apron around his waist, and the diner's staff shirt on.

"Wow, I'm seeing you guys everywhere," Logan said, laughter in his voice. "Hi Mrs. Knight," he greeted. "Hey Katie."

"What, no hello to us?" Carlos teased.

He rolled his eyes. "Nope," he said simply, grinning wildly. He turned to the two female of the group and put on his best, politest, and brightest smile he had. "What can I get for you ladies?"

Logan eventually asked the boys what they wanted (with a dramatic groan of pain like it hurt to ask them) and he left to place their order.

"Have I ever told you I like him?" Katie asked, playing "cards" against James with packs of sugar. She's met him a dozen or so times over the last three months during those few moments the boys actually hang out.

Kendall growled playfully. "As long as you don't like him more than a friend."

"Oh please Ken." Mrs. Knight rolled her eyes. "She's ten years old."

Katie smirked. "And I already do."

"What?" The other four people exclaimed.

She rolled her eyes. "You do realize there's something between friendship and romance, right?" Her wisdom beyond her years by miles.

Kendall stared at her, thinking. Something between friendship and romance? A glass of Coke appeared in front of him and he looked up to see Logan.

"Katie, has anyone ever told you you're smart?" The pale boy asked, only hearing the very last question.

She shrugged. "Sometimes."

He laughed. "Tell them to say it more than sometimes," he informed her. "The something between friendship and romance is family."

* * *

><p>Carlos managed to finally get his puppy dog eyes to work on Logan and all four of them found themselves at the rink on a Sunday, four months since Logan first moved there.<p>

Unfortunately, you had to pay to skate even if you had you own skates (and even if you were the only one at the rink because _normally_ the rink was closed on Sundays...but the manager loved the guys and the rink was privately owned by the manager...how lucky is that?) so Logan opted for watching the guys goof around from the bleachers.

"Come on Rufus," Kendall pleaded quietly so Logan couldn't hear him. "Can't you give us a break this one time?"

The manager raised an eyebrow, arms crossed. "You boys are great and all , but I just don't know."

"I'll pay," James said softly. "Just don't tell him that I am. Please Rufus?"

Rufus just stared at him and then glanced at Carlos entertaining Logan with uncoordinated spins on the ice. The pale boy leaned back on the bleachers and laughed loudly. He sighed. "I'll give you skates free today. Just don't expect me to do it again," he warned.

James' face broke out in a stunning grin and Kendall shook the man's hand thankfully.

"No problem, we just wanna see how good his is," the blond told him.

"Logan!" James called. "Come down here!"

He hopped down the seats and skidded to a stop next to the taller teens. He rubbed the back of his neck and grinned at his friends. "Yeah, what's up?"

Kendall clapped him on the shoulder. "Good news buddy! Rufus here is being nice and he said we get everything free today!"

"Hey, wait I didn't—."

James cut in, blocking Logan's view of the slightly miffed (that's right, _miffed_) man. "And that includes skates and hockey equipment. I kinda forgot mine." He scratched his cheek, embarrassed. What James would never say if that he forgot his things on purpose so Logan wouldn't get suspicious.

They weren't lying or tricking or being deceitful. They just wanted to be good best friends and get him out there more. And good hockey players by finding out how good he was.'

He glanced at Rufus and then the guys before nodding. "Okay...Thank you so much," he said sincerely.

Rufus softened his features and smile. "No problem kid." He went to the back and grabbed some skates (he was really good at guessing sizes) and two sets of gear.

Kendall watched with a semi-protective stance as Logan put both the skates and the gear on like he knew exactly what he was doing. Good, he wasn't boasting and actually knew how to do it. He hated it when people lied about what they could do.

"Yay!" Carlos practically jumped up and down in his excitement. "Now we can see you finally skate!"

Logan grinned and tested the blades on the ice before skating out and doing a tight turn to face them, smacking his hockey stick on the ground. "You guys coming or what?"

They shook off their surprise of the quick turn and the sudden playfulness that came over their usually reserved friend then dashed onto the ice for a two-on-two game of ice hockey were everything goes (including checking as long as they didn't do it too hard).

James took a chance and checked Logan into the board before swiping the puck away from him and scoring over to his and Carlos' side. He cheered and high-fived his friend, doing a little synchronized dance. Kendall stood to the side, glaring ever so slightly.

"Kendall!"

He turned to see Logan waving him over and followed his command. He smiled evilly as Logan told him the plan. This was good. This was very good.

"6-5!" Carlos called, tauntingly. "You've gotta hurry if you wanna beat us!"

James scoffed. "Oh please Carlitos, they're too far behind. One more and we've got this in the bag!" They high-fived again, laughing.

Kendall smirked and shot a glance to Logan, who nodded with his own smile on his face. "I don't think so!" The blond called. "Get ready to get your asses kicked!"

It was over before it even started. Logan was speed and Kendall was strength. As Logan sped towards Carlos to get the puck he veered off at the last minute to block James so Kendall could grab the puck without the other two realizing anything. Halfway across the rink he shot it to Logan, who then took off to make a score.

"Yahoo!" Logan yelled. "And that's 6-6!"

Carlos pouted in his uniquely Carlos way. "You're not going to get away with that!"

And they didn't. Despite all their hard work Logan and Kendall still lost by one point. But technically he was one the winning team because the three of them found out what they wanted to.

Logan could play hockey, really well.

"How long have you lived in Minnesota?" James asked when they all sat down at a little cafe down the street.

"Since I was eight," Logan told him, taking a sip of his coffee.

Kendall leaned forward a bit, like he would hear the answer better if he was closer. "Where'd you live before?"

"Richland Hills, Texas."

"Ah ha!" Carlos shoved a finger in Logan's face, making the pale teen go crossed eyes. "That explains it."

He raised an eyebrow. "Explains what?"

"Why you talk funny."

James smacked him on the head. "He doesn't talk funny!"

Logan just laughed (much to the two taller teen's relief, Carlos did not have a filter between his brain and his mouth). "It's fine James. I do talk funny, I still sound like a little bit of a cowboy."

"Get along lil doggies." Kendall tipped an imaginary hat, and attempted a poor imitation of Logan's slight Western drawl, and earned a punch in the arm as a result. He laughed. "So how long did you skate?"

He shrugged, eyes growing distant. "I learned to skate when I first moved up to Minnesota 'til I was twelve, then I had to stop."

"Why'd you stop?" James asked curiously.

"Family reasons."

Carlos fiddled with his helmet straps (He never took the darn thing off). "Why'd you move here?"

"Family reasons."

Kendall gave him a strange look at the cold answer and was alarmed to see him staring down at his drink, biting his lip _hard_. He flicked James hand, the one resting in the middle of the table, and urged him with no words to change the freaking subject.

"So," he searched frantically for a topic. Last minute things like this were Kendall's expertise not his. "How...'bout those Minnesota Wild?"


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I'd like to point out that I _do not and I never will _own Big Time Rush, Kendall Schmidt, Logan Henderson, Carlos Pena, Jr., and James Maslow.

* * *

><p>Sometimes A Hug Isn't Enough<p>

Chapter 4

Mikkal

* * *

><p>One month since their hockey game, Kendall managed to dig up some old hockey gear for Logan to use, just so the four of them could play together, and stuffed it in a duffel bag before heading across the street to give it to his friend. Much to his surprise there was another, much sleeker and much nicer, car parked in the driveway.<p>

He faltered, should he still go over?... Maybe it was Logan's parents (parent?). He took a deep breath and marched on, maybe he'll learn something more about his secretive friend.

Logan answered thirty seconds after he knocked, looking beyond distracted and frazzled. "Kendall, what are you doing here?" He asked in a rush, nervousness creeping in his voice.

"I brought you some of my old stuff." Kendall raised the bag. Oh crap, he didn't come up with a non-charitable to the reason why he was doing this. "My mom wanted me to give this to a friend since she can't drop this off at Goodwill. James said no, Carlos said no. Please say yes, my mom will kill me if I still have this when she gets back from work."

He hoped to The Big Man Upstairs Logan didn't get suspicious.

Before he could answer, though, a female voice called out his name and a mid-forties woman walked to the door, curly brown hair framing her face and eyes shining in...pride?

"Logan, who's this?" She asked, smiling gently.

Logan rubbed the back of his neck, nervous not protective. "Nancy, this is Kendall, one of best friends. Kendall, this is a family friend Nancy."

Kendall didn't miss the way Nancy's eyes shifted to look at Logan subtly when he said "a family friend" but he ignored it in order to shake her hand. "Nice to meet you."

"You too." She smiled even wider. "_One_ of your _best _friends?" She emphasized "best" the most. "Who's the others?"

He felt a little hurt, Logan didn't tell the family friend about his best friends?

Logan blushed. "Uh, James and Carlos. They go to my school, we hang out sometimes."

She patted his shoulder. "Good," she said, meaning more than she said. "Well, I better get going. It was nice meeting you Kendall. Logan, I hope you keep going strong."

He nodded. "See you next month."

Kendall watched her leave and turned back to Logan when the car disappeared down the street. "Next month."

"She visits me once a month," he said. "Just to see how I'm doing."

"Ah." Why did she visit _him_, why didn't she visit _them_ as in the whole family? Well, if Kendall was to known for anything it would be fore eventually getting answers, so he was going to just let this slide until it became a pressing matter. "So what's your answer on the hockey gear?"

Logan shook his head ruefully. "I guess I'll take it. I can't have my friend getting in trouble now, can I?"

"You're a life saver," he said gratefully. He dumped the bag in this arms. "You're more than welcomed to use any of the stuff in there, it is yours now after all."

He grinned. "If you say so...Is this it? 'Cause I've got some things I need to do."

"Oh, yeah. That's it."

Kendall walked away, fully intending on telling James and Carlos about this little turn of events.

* * *

><p>"Guys, I'm <em>not<em> going along with this."

"Why not Logan?" Carlos whined. "You know every prank we've pulled and given us ideas on new ones, why won't you actually do this one?"

The pale teen huffed and crossed his arms. "Because this one has the potential to get me suspended. And I can't get suspended."

James leaned against the school's brick wall. "It's not like it's a bad thing."

He glared at him. "It is if you're trying to get a scholarship." No one had a comeback to that, they knew how much he cared about his studies. It would be a great teasing weapon if it wasn't so serious.

Kendall sighed and patted his shoulder. "You can sit this one out. But can I run the plan by you again? Just in case it needs to be tweaked?"

Logan relaxed and smiled. "Sure."

After school (and the prank, which went off without a hitch by the way) Kendall, Carlos, and James decided to harass Logan at work, sitting in one of the booths (that had him as their waiter) and just snacking and drinking.

"You're lucky my boss likes you guys," Logan grumbled. "I would've kicked you out a long time ago."

"Aw," James teased. "You wouldn't really, would you Logie?"

His ears turned pink. "My name is Logan."

"What, you don't like Logie?"

He smacked James straight on the forehead with his notepad, making Kendall and Carlos laugh. "No, I like my name. Which is _Logan_. Say it with me Lo-gan."

James scrunched up his face and mouthed the name slowly. "Lo..._gain..._ Lo_gain_? What kind of name is that?"

Logan face-palmed, groaning. "I need new friends," he joked.

"Logan! We've got a table for you."

"Coming!" He turned to his friends and bowed dramatically, walking backwards. "Now if you excuse me gentlemen, I'm being summoned." He walked over to a table full of biker men and...well, probably whores.

This place wasn't as big as New York City or LA, or D.C, but it wasn't as small as some towns. They had plenty of people from each side of the law.

Kendall watched him in concern. "I don't think he should be serving them."

"Relax, he'll be fine," James assured, though he looked worried too. "On another note, anyone understand Mrs. English's history homework? I'm stumped."

"Why are you thinking about homework _now_?" Carlos asked. "It's not due 'til tomorrow."

"'Cause it looks hard. I'd ask Logan, but he's a little busy right now," James said, gesturing towards their friend.

Kendall chuckled. "Do you have it now?"

His eyes lit up and he started rummaging through his book bag for the homework, muttering under his breath. The other two watched, amused.

James let out a triumphant exclamation and held up the papers, "Here we go!"

Suddenly there was there was the sound of something shattering and a chair screeching against the floor. The guys looked over to see one of the biker men towered over a downed Logan, his tray full of fresh drinks on the floor.

"Were you hittin' on my woman?" The man spat.

Logan groaned and rubbed his head. "No. I was asking if she ordered a water."

He grabbed him by the collar and yanked him up, the teen's toes barely touching the ground. He got real close, breathing beer saturated breathe into his face. "You were hittin' on my woman," he stated, not looking too happy.

The pale teen gulped nervously. "You wish," he snarked. "Beating me up give you something to do that doesn't require thinking too hard, you might hurt yourself actually doing something productive." His eyes widened when he realized what he just said.

Carlos snickered but Kendall and James were already out of their seats and making their way over to the confrontation.

James, being the taller one (only slightly!), grabbed the man's shoulder and turned him away. "I think the saying goes: Pick on someone your own size."

"You?" The man laughed. "Yeah, I don't think so. I'm gonna mess this twerp's face up so bad he's gonna wish he'd never been born."

Kendall was helping Logan up when he heard his friend mutter something under his breath. It sounded like "too late" to him. He ignored it and brushed glass off his back.

"You okay?" He inspected the little cuts on his pale face carefully.

Logan nodded. "Yep, fine. These scratches just sting a little, no biggie." He touched his cheek gently.

Kendall stood in front of him protectively as the man shook off James and stalked up to them, a sneer on his ugly face. He clenched his hands into fists, no one, and I mean _no _one, messed with his friends.

"Okay, that's it!" Logan's boss finally came out the back. "Pay for those drinks _and_ the glasses and get out! I won't have you harassing my employees and customers."

The woman Logan "hit" on stood up, hands on her hips. "You should fire that boy! He hit on me!"

The boss (Peter) stared at her blankly. "Look, I'm not here to stroke an "over-the-hill" lady's ego. Just pay and get out."

She gasped and stormed out, the rest of the group not far behind. The biker man growled at them and threw money on the table before leaving as well.

"Thanks Peter." Logan looked up at him gratefully.

He shrugged. "Don't thank me. Your little friend came and got me." He jerked a thumb at a grinning Carlos.

"Thanks Carlos."

"Hey, what are friends for?"


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I'd like to point out that I _do not and I never will _own Big Time Rush, Kendall Schmidt, Logan Henderson, Carlos Pena, Jr., and James Maslow.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: By the way. The AP tests here in my state are 87 to 89 dollars each (so four classes a semester, one semester would be at least 348 dollars and it depends on how much they wanna spike the amount in any given year). You have to pay the full amount by October in order to keep the class. It depends on what class you're taking if it costs more. Like AP Literature (a 12th grade English class) cost more than AP Language (a 11th grade English class) because the summer assignment requires you to actually buy your own books. So that's why Logan can't afford them, 'cause they're really expensive, especially since Logan would want to take as many as he could so it would look good on his college applications.<p>

* * *

><p>Sometimes A Hug Isn't Enough<p>

Chapter 5

Mikkal

* * *

><p>Kendall couldn't believe he agreed. Singing in Hollywood? Making a demo CD? That was James' dream, not his. At least Gustavo agreed to let all four of them make a boy band. He wouldn't be able to do it without his friends.<p>

In two days the four of them, his mom and his sister, and their new boss and his assistant were going to be on a plan heading out to LA. It was a literal dream come true (for James really).

His only question: Where the hell was Logan?

He had a frown on his face as he knocked on the front door again. Logan always answered right away. And he wasn't at work because he quit yesterday for this new job of singing (it was difficult to wrap his head around). But his car wasn't in the drive way, for the first time ever, was he out?

Just as he was about to leave Logan pulled up in his car and got out with a huge smile on his face. "Hey Kendall! What's up?"

"You wanna head over to James' house? His mom's throwing a good-bye party for us," Kendall decided to get straight to the point.

Logan suddenly looked nervous. "James' house? Uh, sure. Yeah, let's go."

They walked side by side down the road, talking about their new job. It seemed to Kendall that Logan was a lot happier than before about going LA. When Kendall first made the suggestion and Gustavo agreed Logan livid, he was so mad that he went home without a word and only answered "okay, I'll do it" through a text message.

That was yesterday afternoon. The guys couldn't get a hold of him all night and his car had been missing from his drive way too.

"Where were you last night anyway?" Kendall asked as they turned onto James' street.

He shrugged. "Nancy's house. I needed to talk to her about something. She lives two hours away so I stayed at her place."

Kendall would've made a remark about Logan staying over night at a woman's house if it weren't for the fact she could be his mom. Not that he was saying she was his mom, she was just the right age.

Logan fell silent and his eyes widened. Kendall looked and noticed they were already at James' house. He winced, he forgot how well off the Diamonds were. James' was a lot richer than any of them and it took both Carlos and Kendall a while to get use to it and couldn't help but still feel a little bit of jealousy.

"Kendall!" Brook Diamond came out of the house and engulfed him in an overwhelming hug. She let go and turned to Logan. "And you must be Logan Mitchell." She shook his hand. "It's nice to finally meet you, James has said so much."

"Good things I hope," Logan said, laughing lightly. "It's nice to meet you too Mrs. Diamond."

He seemed to transform in front of Kendall's very eyes. Logan went from a slouching, semi-brooding teenager to a tall, comfortable teenager who looked like he belonged in this high end community.

It just made Kendall wonder some more.

* * *

><p>"Logan, Loganator. Just relax, you'll be fine," Kendall tried to soothe one of his best friends. He rested a hand on his upper arm and smile at him softly.<p>

He squeezed his eyes shut, knuckles turning white as he dug his fingers into the armrest. "Thanks for the vote of confidence," he said through clenched teeth. "But I don't think that's going to help me."

Carlos leaned over from behind them and stuffed a pair of bright blue headphones over the pale teen's ears. "Here, maybe some music will help."

And it did. Logan finally relaxed...two hours into a three hour flight. But the guys didn't blame him, none of them were comfortable with flying in the sky thousands of feet off the ground. None of them had ever been out of Minnesota before (Not counting Carlos because he moved there from Florida when he was two and Logan because he...well, he said himself that him living in Texas didn't count.).

Logan was freaking out the most because he had to be a nerd and know a lot about planes, especially most leading causes for crashes.

"What's the first thing you guys are gonna do when we get there?" Kendall asked.

James and Carlos looked at each other then back at the blond. "Pool!"

"Sleep," Logan answered wryly.

"Oh come on Logie! Go swimming with us."

He rolled his eyes. "Logan, Carlos. My name is Logan. And how are you sure there's a pool?"

"_Because_, it's LA, California!" Carlos waved his arms around wildly. "A place of beaches, girls, pools, and girls!"

Logan raised an eyebrow. "If you say so." He sighed. "Fine, fine. Pool time first, the sleep time second. The things I do for you guys."

Kendall wrapped an arm around him. "The things you do for _us_. Thanks for coming Logan."

He smiled. "Hey, you'd do the same for me. Right?"

"Of course Logie."

"It's Logan!"

* * *

><p>School. He totally forgot about school. At least they got to take classes at the Palm Woods (after first mishap with both Gustavo's attempt at running his own school and completely stereotyping a LA school full of actors and singers...and models and dancers and directors and you get the point). Kendall sighed and tapped his pencil against his head, trying to find x in the stupid problem.<p>

He hated math and history, why didn't he leave those for last?

There was a knock at the door and he went to answer it, calculator still in hand as he typed out the problem. "Hello?"

"Kendall," it was Kelly. "Is Logan here? James and Carlos said he was."

Stupid James and Carlos, at the pool when they should be in the apartment doing their homework. Just like him and Logan.

He smiled politely. "Yeah, he's in his room writing an essay. Told me if I was going to do my homework then I had to do it out here."

She laughed. "Thanks." Kendall watched as she went into the room he and Logan shared, wondering what the hell was going on.

Minutes later he heard a little bit of yelling and got a little more curious. He crouched low, very ninja like, and crept towards the semi-opened door. Kendall peered inside and saw Logan, surprisingly, glaring at Kelly.

"I don't want your money," he growled.

"Don't think of it as charity," she said simply. "Think of it as Gustavo wanting a smart angle to the band. I just know Griffin's going to call him soon about a bad boy, he's just trying to get a head start on the smart boy."

Logan crossed his arms with a huff. "I'm the smart boy?"

Kelly nodded. "Yep! James is obviously the pretty one, don't deny it." She grinned when Logan laughed at that. "Carlos is the goofy one. Kendall is the leader and the probable bad boy. So that makes you the smart one."

"So I'm the left over?"

She sighed, exasperated. "Logan, you're making this more difficult than it really is. You have the best grades out of your whole school back in Minnesota. You had the best in the whole state. It's already proven you're smart, this is just so you have physical proof besides grades. Now you have the classes." She held out a thing slip of paper.

He took it warily. Logan glanced at it, eyebrows raised. "Are you sure?"

Kelly nodded. "We're sure. I know about your financial situation, and your other...situation." Logan winced and glared at her for bringing it up (what ever it was). "We just want to help. And if you don't want our help, just accept on the account it'll piss Gustavo off if you don't."

Logan sighed. "Fine, I'll take it." He shook his head, a smile on his face. "Kendall, I know you're out there, you can come in."

Kendall froze and then walked in with a sheepish grin on his face. "Heya Logan. How'd you know I was there?"

He wrinkled his nose. "You breathe loudly. Like ridiculously loud." He pushed him away when he tried to ruffle his hair. "Dude! Not the hair."

Kendall laughed. "You sound like James."

"Oh the horror," he said deadpanned. Suddenly a smile broke out on his face. "Guess what."

He glanced at Kelly before asking, "What?"

"Remember how I couldn't afford AP classes back in Minnesota?" He said excitedly. "Well, Kelly here just gave me enough money to fill my schedule with them."

"That's great!" Kendall pulled him into a hug. Logan was one step closer to becoming a doctor. Something, he said, he's wanted to be since he was seven.

"Thank you Kelly," he said.

She smiled. "It's no problem. Gustavo would say it's for the business, but I say it's because he actually like you guys...Don't tell him I said that."

"Don't worry, our lips are sealed."


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I'd like to point out that I _do not and I never will _own Big Time Rush, Kendall Schmidt, Logan Henderson, Carlos Pena, Jr., and James Maslow.

Author's Note: I changed the summary. I took off the part about the guys finding out before it's too late. I decided not to go that route.

* * *

><p>Sometimes A Hug Isn't Enough<p>

Chapter 6

Mikkal

* * *

><p>Two months into their new deal Carlos watched Logan carefully, peering closely into his face while trying to be discrete. James continued to talk to his mother in the background as Kendall sat at the corner of their orange "L" shaped couch, playing a game on his DS.<p>

"Logan," he finally said. "Why don't your parents call you?"

James faltered in his sentence and Kendall's head snapped up from the screen, eyes wide. The brunette said goodbye to his mother and tuned into the conversation that was probably blow up in their faces.

Logan stared at him, eyes dark and not giving away anything. "What do you mean?" He asked, almost monotone.

Carlos hesitated. "Uh, I...I mean. Kendall's mom is here. My mom calls me every Friday, my dad too. And James' parents call him every Tuesday. When do your parents call you?"

The pale boy snapped his book close, being eerily calm. "You changed your question," he said. "First you asked _why_ didn't my parents call me and then you ask _when_ do my parents call me. Which one do you want me to answer?"

"Um...both?"

"They call me, okay?" Logan burst out. He shot up from his seat. "Maybe I like to talk to my family privately!" He stood there fuming for a few seconds before he turned heel and walked out the door. "I'm going to hang out with Camille, call me when dinner's ready."

Jame lunged after him. "Logan, you can't keep doing this."

"Doing what?"

"Pushing us away. We're your best friends, all we want to do is help."

Logan sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, leaning against the hallway wall. "James. I love you guys, I really do, but you can't fix everything, especially stuff you don't know about."

"Then tell us!" James all but pleaded.

In less than a year Logan had become to him what Carlos and Kendall were to him. He was their brother. He was easy to get along with, smart, fun when he wasn't in the presence of adults, and even though he had his temper flare every now and then (like now) he was the nicest guy they'd ever met.

He smiled at the taller teen. "Even if I do tell you, it's too late to fix anything."

"But Logan."

"No it's true. I've already fixed it. Can't you accept that I'm perfectly fine?" He glanced behind him and smiled slightly at Kendall and Carlos. "Please guys, trust me."

They eyed him warily before nodding, not completely convinced but willing to withhold their protective-ness for now. The momentarily lapse was worth it when Logan smiled brightly and went back into 2J for a round of Mario Kart against them.

* * *

><p>Kendall woke up to the sound a quiet whimper. He squinted through the darkness to read 3:32 am on his alarm clock then rolled over, facing the window. His eyes began to shut again, having blown off the noise as the wind or a remnant from a dream, when another whimper sounded again, this time with a sob thrown in.<p>

He shot up, comforter tangling around his legs. Kendall tried to get it off but only succeeding in making it worse. He growled a little, still fighting, but another sob made him freeze.

"Logan?" He whispered. "Are you awake?"

There was no answer.

This time he carefully unwrapped his legs and crept to the side of Logan's bed. His heart broke when moonlight came through the window and revealed the tears streaming down the younger teen's face.

"Logan," he said softly. He shook his shoulder carefully. "Wake up. You're having a dream." It was more of a nightmare, really.

Chocolate brown eyes opened slowly and stared at him. "Sorry," he rasped.

Kendall sat on the edge of his bed, keeping his hand on his shoulder. "For what?"

"For waking you up." Logan sat up, rubbing his eyes and yawning.

"It's fine," Kendall waved the apology away. "How often do you get nightmares?" Come to think of it, Logan had been looking paler than usual lately, with bags under his eyes.

He sighed. "Every time I sleep."

Kendall frowned. "How come this is the first time I've heard you?" He started rubbing soothing circles in his back, feeling him tremble a little under his touch.

Logan leaned forward and rested his head in his hand, elbows on his knees. "I usually don't sleep," he mumbled. "They get so bad that I can't stand sleeping."

He bit back a gasp. If he were to guess, Logan's been going two months without getting the proper amount of sleep. How was he still able to stand?

The other boy smirked bitterly. "I'm use to it," he answered like he could read his mind. "And no, I don't want to talk about it."

"Are you sure?" Kendall asked.

"I'm sure."

Kendall sighed. "Fine, but you know I'm here for you, right? So are James and Carlos."

He nodded. "Yeah I know."

The blond went back to his own bed, biting his lip thoughtfully. It's no secret that Logan's been keeping something from them, and this nighttime admittance of nightmares just made him realize that when ever Logan's been hiding is a lot more worse than they thought.

"Hey, Kendall," Logan said a few minutes later.

Kendall, half-asleep, could only hum his question.

"...It was about my mom," he whispered. "She...she died when I was six, back in Texas."

He couldn't speak...this was the first real piece of information about Logan's family. He must have loved his mother very much to still feel this way ten years later. "I'm sorry," he said weakly, feeling a little pathetic he couldn't do more.

There was no reply.

"Logan?" He asked carefully, only to hear soft snores fill the room.

Kendall smiled slightly, maybe the other teen will get some sleep now.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I'd like to point out that I _do not and I never will _own Big Time Rush, Kendall Schmidt, Logan Henderson, Carlos Pena, Jr., and James Maslow.

* * *

><p>Okay people. I brought my computer to my grandparents house with me. We're all good in the western front...for a couple of days.<p>

* * *

><p>Sometimes A Hug Isn't Enough<p>

Chapter 7

Mikkal

* * *

><p>"Dogs! That was amazingly...awful," Gustavo barked like the alpha male himself. "What's with you today?"<p>

"Sorry Gustavo," Carlos said, fiddling with his helmet.

Kendall placed a supporting hand on the swaying Logan. "We didn't get much sleep last night. My sister was...homesick."

Okay, that was a lie. Katie was everything but homesick. Logan,on the other hand, was real sick and his nightmares were worse then ever since his worn out body was forcing him to sleep. Two weeks since he admitted to Kendall about the nightmares and the not sleeping and about his mom.

Gustavo gave him a look saying he didn't believe a word he said while Kelly looked at the pale teen in concern.

"Do you wanna lay down for a bit, Logan?" She asked, bringing a motherly hand to his forehead to feel the heat just pouring off of him. No one missed the way he stiffened at the touch.

Normally Logan would shake her off and say he was fine, this time he nodded mutely and made his way over to the white couch. Worrying everyone greatly.

He fell on it, throwing his arm over his eyes. Sweat ran down his face in rivers and his breath hitched, sounding very painful.

"Logan, are you sure you don't want to go to the doctor?" James asked, bringing up the argument that allowed Logan to come to rehearsal today. They tried to get him to stay home, but he refused and managed to convince Mrs. Knight to let him go.

"I'm sure," he croaked. "It's just a little cold, nothing to worry about."

Too late.

"Are you ready yet?" Gustavo said, a few decibels louder than an indoor voice. He backed down when Kendall glared at him and Kelly smacked him on the arm. He knew when to choose his battles.

Logan groaned and sat up despite the protests of the guys and Kelly. "I'm ready," he announced before standing up and immediately collapsing onto the ground in a heap.

They were too stunned to attempt to catch him. Once it registered Kendall shot forward and pulled the smaller teen into his arms.

"Logan." He tapped his pale cheek. "Come on, Logan, wake up. Don't do this." He's never actually seen someone pass out without a physical injury to back it up. Seeing Logan look so normal, like he was sleeping, only scared him more.

James already had his phone out and was calling 911, talking frantically to the dispatcher. Carlos was kneeled next to Logan, brushing his fingers over his sweaty forehead.

"What's wrong with him?" The youngest one asked.

He bit his lip. "I don't know." _I don't know! I don't know! Damnit!_

James crouched down. "An ambulance is on its way." He looked at the leader with pleading eyes. "Is he going to be okay?"

_I don't know!_

* * *

><p>"I'm afraid I can't tell you anything," the doctor told them, flipping through his clipboard.<p>

"What? Why not?" Kendall demanded.

He sighed. "I need a..." he checked the clipboard again. "Nancy Fletcher here to give permission to say anything who isn't either listed as Next-of-Kin or family."

"Aren't those the same thing," James muttered.

"Nancy?" Kendall asked in disbelief. "She's a family friend! Not related at all."

"She's listed as his Next-of- Kin."

Kelly cut the blond teen off before he could blow up. "Nancy's in Minnesota, I'm his second Next-of-Kin."

Carlos stared at her. "What?"

The doctor checked his notes and nodded. "Kelly Wainwright?"

"Yes." She provided some ID.

"Okay," he said simply. "Logan Mitchell is suffering from extreme exhaustion and malnourishment. We want to keep him here over night for observations and he can go home tomorrow. Whenever you're ready, he's in room 201." With that he walked away.

James watched him go, speechless so Kendall took the words right out of his mind:

"That was it?" He exclaimed. "He had to make a big deal about Next-of-Kin and all he had to say was two things! He could at least say how he was doing!"

Carlos tugged on his arm. "Come on, let's go. I want to see if he's actually okay."

He relented and allowed the younger boy to pull him down the hallway, James not to far behind.

The taller teen leaned over and whispered. "Why is Nancy his Next-of-Kin? I understand his mom, but what about his dad?"

"And why Kelly?" Kendall whispered back. "Why not my mom?"

James could only shrug.

Logan was a horrible sight. His skin was ashen gray and his cheeks were hallowed out just enough to tell that they were. Bag hung heavy under his eyes and pure exhaustion clouded the chocolate brown.

"Why weren't you eating?" Was the first thing Kendall said. "I mean, I understand the sleeping thing. But the eating?"

He grimaced. "I just haven't been feeling hungry, guess I've been too tired to eat." He wasn't avoiding anything...that was new.

"Why didn't you talk to us?" Carlos asked, grabbing his pale hand. "We would've helped."

"Not much to help Carlitos." He patted his helmet covered head. "If I'm not hungry, I'm not hungry. You can't force me to eat."

"Why not?"

"Do you _want _me to puke?" Logan asked rhetorically. His answer was silence. "I thought so," he said smugly.

"Fine, on to less pressing matters," James decided. "Why is your family friend your one to call and not your dad? And why is Kelly the second and not Mama Knight?"

Logan's eyes grew hard. "My dad's in Minnesota," he said, voice steel. "Nancy forced it on me and then forced Kelly."

Kendall clenched his hands into fists. "Okay, that's it. Logan, tell me what's going on!" He demanded.

"No."

His mouth dropped opened. "W-What?"

Logan glared at him. "You may be older than me, and my brother and best friend, but you can't force me to tell you anything I want to keep secret."

"It's killing _you_!" James exclaimed. "It's killing _us_!"

"It's not killing me," he replied lightly. "It's just hurting me. There's a difference."

"That doesn't make it any better," Carlos informed him.

"No, no it doesn't." Logan fiddled with the IV trailing to his arm.

Kendall looked at him closely, trying to pulled down the temper flare rising in him, and flicked his ear.

"Ow! What was that for?" Logan exclaimed.

"You're an idiot."

Logan glared at him. "How so?"

Kendall sighed. "Whatever you're keeping a secret we're not going to judge you or dump you. I mean, obviously it's something big, or else it would've slipped out sooner. But we won't see you differently."

He scoffed. "Yeah right, that's what they all say."

"But we're serious," James said. "You know we are. We don't keep secrets, remember?"

Yes, he remembered. He knew almost everything about them. Kendall's dad leaving when he was nine and Katie was three, and how he's still guilty thinking it was his fault (it totally wasn't). The pressure James' mom was pushing down on him to take up her business in the cosmetics company and how much he was suffering under the weight. And then Carlos' lack of a proper identity because his family was so big that no one got the attention each of them should really have.

He knew everything about them and they knew nothing about him.

Not really fair, don't you think?

Logan refused to meet their eyes, too busy thinking over what they said. It's true that they don't keep secret...but maybe this secret was too much for them. Surely they would leave him if he ever told them, why not save all of them the hurt and never tell them?

But...

He looked up and saw Carlos' hopeful, caring eyes. James' eagered but concerned look. Kendall's protective and fiery gaze.

It's been months since they became friends. Almost three months since they came to LA, six months since Logan moved to their town. That's almost nine months all together. Most were surprised that the boys were friends with the new, quiet kid, but they didn't really care. They just knew that Logan was everything. Just like Carlos was everything. Kendall was everything. James was everything (even Katie was close to everything).

They were everything to each other, but Logan still had his doubts...


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I'd like to point out that I _do not and I never will _own Big Time Rush, Kendall Schmidt, Logan Henderson, Carlos Pena, Jr., and James Maslow.

* * *

><p>Someone guessed right about the secret!<p>

I'm glad it's not obvious but someone was able to guess. This fic is a little experiment on how well I keep things a mystery but give clues.

And this might be the second to last chapter.

This chapter may be a little boring...sorry. This is all about the story. He's pretty much over (kinda...sorta) what happened, but they need to know.

I got a review on _Downhill From Here_...saying that I deleted all of my negative reviews and that it was pathetic that I did (I didn't). A good author would take the positive ones and the negative to improve. Or accept the bad and stick to "their guns"...and that I can even take the bad and that's horrible...just like my story...

I mean...is it true? Is my story bad enough that I actually need a flame? I'm not fishing for compliments, I've just never gotten a flame before. So that means my work is bad...right? How do people handle flamers? Do I delete? Or prove that person wrong and keep it?

* * *

><p>Sometimes A Hug Isn't Enough<p>

Chapter 8

Mikkal

* * *

><p>Logan was back home, hunched over a book at the kitchen table, and chewing on his bottom lip. He wasn't reading, instead he was focusing on the beat his fingers tapped out on the wood.<p>

But the beat was just another distraction, just like the book was. No, he was thinking. Thinking really hard about what he was suppose to tell the guys. They wanted know know his secret and Logan trusted them enough to not react negatively, but he's been keeping it a secret for so long.

A plate of toast invaded his vision, his head jerking up to see Kendall with a stern look on his face and a finger pointed at the food.

"Eat," Kendall commanded.

Logan smiled slightly and obediently took a bit of buttered and jam toast, humming a bit in appreciation. His favorite snack/breakfast food, they knew him well. "Thanks."

Carlos grinned and nudged him, making Logan nudge him back before they got into a small shoving fight. Kendall and James laughed loudly.

The pale teen broke the fight by eating more toast, glancing at Kendall as the blond stopped laughing and stared at him.

"You want me to talk," Logan said. Not asked, said.

James nodded, he wrapped his arms around his friend. "But only if you want to."

"I've been thinking about it since they released me," he said quietly. "And I think, maybe, I want to."

Kendall immediately plucked him from his seat and led him to the orange couch, curling up next to him, practically cocooning him (or cuddling, if you prefer). Carlos sat on the floor in front of him, looking up at him expectantly, while James sat on Logan's other side.

"..It's not as big of a deal as you think it is," Logan admitted after a moment of silence. When no one said anything and just looked at him he sighed. "So...my mom, ya know, died when I was six, back in Texas..."

Kendall squeezed his arm when he said that. After that night when Kendall heard his nightmare and Logan told him about his mom they had many moments when he heard even more and let the younger boy cling to him like he was a security blanket. It was nice and horrible at the same time. Nice that Logan trusted him enough for that, horrible that Logan had nightmares in the first place.

"Go on," James urged.

He shrugged. "Nothing really happened, my dad got depressed and didn't really pay attention to me anymore, but it wasn't much of a big deal."

"B.S," Carlos scoffed. Everyone knew that a kid needed attention, Carlos knew better than anyone else. Technically it could be considered abuse, it depended on how the neglect went.

Logan smiled slightly at him and patted him on the head. "My dad moved us from Texas to Minnesota 'cause of all the memories our place had. He figured that Minnesota was a far away enough that there was nothing to remind him of my mom...He loved her very much," he said softly, a yearning look on his face. "But then I said I wanted to skate...For a while my dad went all out. So proud that I was doing something that connected to my mom. She was a really good competitive figure skater...We were kinda, sorta...well, rich." He looked down and avoided their eyes.

James gasped in realization. "Is _that_ why you didn't freak out at my house for that party?" He asked. Kendall freaked out at how much expensive stuff he had. Carlos freaked out at how big his house way. Logan...Logan just stared at everything blankly for a moment before mingling with people who would rather have the teen wipe their shoes then talk to them.

Logan nodded. "Yeah...pretty much. Mom was an amazing figure skater and dad was a successful lawyer. You couldn't get any better than that...but, anyway..." His eyes grew distant, like they did when they tried to bring anything about his family or past up. "As I got better at hockey, he started getting angry at me for all these little things. A 97 instead of 100 on a test, two minutes past curfew or late for something. When he started getting angry...he started hitting me."

Carl leaned up and engulfed him in tight hug, trying to comprehend that Logan use to be physically abuse by someone who was family. Sure his father lost his temper but Officer Garcia never touched any of his family that way. Logan clutched him back, grateful for the anchor back into reality. Everything never really stopped haunting him. He was afraid that if he kept going he'd end up disappearing into himself.

"It got worse," Logan's voice was muffled by Carlos' shirt. James rubbed his shoulder, Kendall kept his hand on top of his dark head. "By the time I was eleven he stopped caring about everything except all the things I did wrong...I started having to take care of him 'cause he started drinking _all the time_. The local food stores knew me because the only way I could feed us both was to steal money from him and go shopping by myself...And then I'd get smacked because of the stealing..."

He took a deep, shuddering breath. There was something..._freeing_ about telling them all of this. For the moment, the fact that they'd probably run off when he was done left his mind. It was nicer to not think about it.

"...I had to stop skating, my coach kept noticing the bruises. And my dad was all I had left, I couldn't get taken away from him. He'd die, he never took care of himself." He looked at them with pleading eyes, begging them to understand his logic.

Kendall hugged him. "We get it Logie," he murmured. "We get it."

He made no protest to the use of the nickname.

"...So, instead of skating, I did school work. I threw myself into studying. I was a good student before, but this time it was different. When I got to middle school the teachers kept wanting me to be in higher classes, but because my dad got fired and my mom was...dead...I couldn't afford it."

Logan stayed silent for a really long time before James prompted him with: "What happened after? You're not in high school yet in your story, but you moved when you were in high school. What made you do...what ever you did...What else did you do besides move?"

"I'm emancipated," he answered. Before Carlos could ask what that was he said, "It means that I'm underaged but I'm completely and utterly financially supportive of myself. Nancy is my case worker, she helped me out and gave me enough money to rent the house in front of Kendall's for the next two and a half years, until college." He glanced at Kendall. "Your mom doesn't know, that's why she's not a next-of-kin. The night you decided to make us a boy band I had to go talk to Nancy about it, to see if she'd let me go. That' why I was angry, not at you, but at the fact I may not have been able to go."

And Kendall totally understood. He did, really. He just wish he knew it was this bad before it came to the point he practically yelled at him for not making his mom his Next-of-Kin.

"Why did you get emancipated?" James asked. "What made you finally go for it?"

Logan grimaced, taking a deep breath to prepare himself. "I hit puberty," he replied, to the confusion of everyone. But Kendall had a sinking feeling. "...I look just like my mom, ya know. Dark hair, dark eyes, light skin, short, slender. I act just like her too..." And that sinking feeling got worse.

"Logan," he croaked. "You...you're not saying...?"

He nodded slightly. "I look just like her," he repeated in a whisper. "And he want to see if I loved him like she did too."

James gasped and tightened his arm. "Oh _Logan_."

"No offense, but your dad's a sick freak."

"None taken, trust me."

Carlos stared at them wide-eyed, not quite understanding what was going on, but knew it wasn't something good if Logan's over-bright eyes, Kendall's hardened gaze, and James' washed out face meant anything. "What do you mean?"

Logan leaned over and pulled him close to say quietly in his ear, "He _raped_ me, Carlitos." His breath hitched painfully. "To him I was his wife, so he treated me like her, over and over again." Finally the tears fell down his cheeks. He curled into himself, hugging his middle. "But he didn't know he was forcing himself on me...He didn't hear me, he heard my mom."

The small Latino boy burst out crying at Logan's admittance and bowled him over in his attempt to hug him and never let go. Logan caught him barely, too surprised that James wasn't pushing him away, and that Kendall's anger was obviously not directed at him but at Logan's father, and that Carlos went _into_ his arms instead of away, to do anything else.

Kendall cleared his throat quietly. "Why... do you cover your neck when we surprise you?" He finally asked the question that haunted him since they first met.

Logan seemed to hesitate with the answer. "...He'd usually come up behind me when I'm doing meaningless things and shove me down by my neck into the ground. Figured if he couldn't actually see my face then it made pretending a lot easier..."

"How...How can you be so strong?" James asked, tears in his eyes. "I know for sure I'd be breaking down even now if that ever happened to me."

Logan cupped the back of his neck with both hands and looked down at his lap, shrugging. "I don't know...Nancy helped. I didn't tell any teachers, I just called social services and Nancy was the one who became the case worker. She set up everything. I already had a job, so I proved myself responsible. My grades were amazing. I just needed the judge to sign the papers. As soon as he did Nancy set up the house and sent me on my way..."

Kendall stood up and pulled Logan with him, letting the younger teen lean on him with limp arms wrapped around his thin shoulder. "We're proud of you, for telling us," he murmured, gesturing to the guys to join in on the hug. "You're never going to lose us, we promise."

"And you know how we feel about promises," Carlos added.

James smiled. "We never break them."


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I'd like to point out that I _do not and I never will _own Big Time Rush, Kendall Schmidt, Logan Henderson, Carlos Pena, Jr., and James Maslow.

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><p>Last chapter...so depressing. I'd never thought I'd feel this sad about stopping.<p>

I just wanna thank everyone who reviewed and praised and who were just plain awesome! Thank you for giving my story a chance!

I'm leaving the day after tomorrow for Europe! Woot!

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><p>Sometimes A Hug Isn't Enough<p>

Chapter 9

Mikkal

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><p>Nothing really changed after Logan told them what happened. Two weeks later and he was still the same Logan they knew and loved, except maybe a bit more willing to share if anything was wrong or bothering him. He told Carlos, when the younger teen asked why he wasn't happier (remember, no filter) and still having nightmares, that just because he told them and the guys hugged him didn't mean everything was fine.<p>

Sometimes a hug just isn't enough.

Carlos totally understood...after about twelve explanations. But he did understand now, much to the relief of Logan. He was getting kind of tired of explaining it. And he w_as _happier, just not as happy as Carlos expected him to be.

But now all four of them were down at the Palm Woods pool, enjoying some of their free time with a friendly splashing game... well, it was more like: you splash them and the other guys attempt to shove your head under water as a comeback.

"Yes!" James cheered and high fived Logan. "We win!"

Carlos sputtered, wiping water from his eyes. "I didn't know we made teams!"

"We didn't," Kendall said, eyeing the two laughing boys. "I thought it was free for all?"

James smirked. "We teamed up. Figured it'd be easier to bring you down if we helped each oth-_Gah_!"

Kendall and Carlos burst out laughing as Logan jumped James from behind and shoved his head underwater, a mischievous smile on his face.

"I win!" Logan shouted and started doing a happy dance only to be ganged up on by the other three.

They finally stopped, worn out and completely drenched, and leaned against the pool wall, not feeling the need to get out. Thankfully Camille was out at an audition so she couldn't come barging in on the moment, Katie was attempting to scam Guitar Dude so she couldn't snark at them for being "lazy."

It was nice.

"Hey," Carlos said suddenly. "Who's that?"

Logan's eyes widened and he scrambled out of the pool just as Kendall said, "Nancy?"

"Nancy!" He shouted and hugged her joyfully. "Oh crap, sorry. I got you wet."

The guys stood around him, a little bit away so it didn't seem like they were intruding.

She laughed. "It's okay. I'm just here to check up on you. I heard you were in the hospital?" She level him with a half-hearted glare.

He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "Yeah, I wasn't...taking care of myself properly," he said meekly.

"Logan Mitchell!" Nancy scolded. "I'm just glad you're okay."

"I'm more than okay!" Logan said brightly. "I'm perfect!"

She raised an eyebrow. "Oh really?"

"Nancy!" Kendall decided it was time to come in. To explain to her in so little words why Logan was perfect. "It's nice to see you again!"

"Hi Kendall," she greeted kindly. Nancy turned to the other two. "You must be Carlos and James. Logan told me all about you."

James smiled. "You working on any new cases?" He asked, sincerely wondering but at the same time trying to give her hints they knew. It wasn't polite to blurt things like that out!

She blinked in surprise. "New cases?" A gasp escaped her lips. "Logan...you told them?"

Logan shrugged, smiling a little. "Well I gotta tell my brothers what's up, don't I?" He laughed when Carlos pulled him into a tight hug.

Nancy's smile was blinding. She took him from Carlos' grip and hugged him like she was never going to let go. "I'm proud of you," she murmured.

He blushed. "You're embarrassing," he muttered.

"Aww." She ruffled his hair. "Poor Logie.

"Don't call me that!"

"But _Logie!_" Kendall whined playfully, laughing when the younger teen shoved him lightly.

The guys watched at the two of them walked away, talking and laughing. They were going to go to a nearby cafe to catch up (first Logan was going to change of course) since they haven't actually _seen_ each other in a few months. Sure they're talked, but that's not the same thing.

"That woman is like a mom to him," Jame noticed. "I mean, come on! She licked her finger and wiped his cheek!"

Carlos giggled. "And he blushed like a tomato."

Kendall put a finger to his chin. "So how does this work? Nancy's his mom. My mom is his cool aunt. That makes me his cousin. Carlos, your dad is like his awesome uncle, so that makes you his cousin. Mrs. Diamond, no offense James, it the aunt no one likes, so your a cousin. Gustavo is the family friend people hope doesn't show up and Kelly's the cool one who's unfortunately paired with the hated family friend."

"But I wanna be brothers!" Carlos said.

"Well then, we're brothers," James said simply, completely brushing aside Kendall's long explanation.

"Hey! I worked hard on that!"

James smirked. "Aw, does your brain hurt?"

Carlos grabbed them both by the neck and pulled them down to his level. "We're brothers!" He exclaimed, eyes twinkling.

"Now that we've sorted that out. We should do what only good brothers would do..." Kendall grinned. "Let's go stalk Logan."

"_So _in!"

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><p>Thank you again everyone! I had fun writing this!<p> 


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